What is Sexual Harassment?
The Motivation Behind It
Like women, men are also victims of the patriarchy, just on the opposite side of the spectrum. While women are expected to be kind, nurturing, and compassionate, men are expected to be assertive, confident, and decisive. We all claw at the confines of these outdated gender expectations, either consciously or unconsciously. For some, these claw marks manifest as feelings of insecurity. In an effort to remain perceived as worthy and relevant, especially in an increasingly progressive world, this insecurity is externalized in the form of sexual harassment through either intimidation and/or objectification. In other words, the subconscious intent of sexual harassment is to protect the belief that one is superior by making others feel inferior. In fact, research has shown that assertive women, meaning women who violate feminine ideals, are more likely to be sexually harassed, especially in male-dominated workplaces.
Does this condone men sexually harassing women? Certainly not. However, knowing this simple truth — that sexual harassment is often a desperate act to maintain masculine gender expectations — can help women avoid the initial onslaught of confusion and frustration when the sexual harassment begins.
The Legal Definition
Legally, sexual harassment is actually a form of sex discrimination under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which also protects employees from discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, and national origin.
There are two categories of sexual harassment.
The first category is quid pro quo - a Latin phrase that literally translates to “something for something.” In essence, this form of sexual harassment applies when an employer promises any form of advancement, such as a bonus, promotion, or positive review, in exchange for any form of romantic or sexual favor.
The second category of sexual harassment is a hostile work environment through unwelcomed conduct. In general, hostile work environments are created by 1) unwanted sexual attention, through comments, gestures, or physical contact; and/or 2) demeaning/hostile words or actions.
While this sounds obvious, sexual harassment in the modern day workplace can be extremely subtle. It usually flies under the radar by walking a tightrope of being appropriate and inappropriate, and if you are the one that it is being directed towards, it’s easy to spot the difference.
Of course, this not only includes sexually-charged behavior, but intimidating microaggressions as well. For example, constantly correcting a coworker to make them feel inadequate or inexperienced, which typically arises as a patterned behavior. There are certainly, one-off offenses that cross the line, but the majority of this harassment is experienced as a series of offenses that are similar in nature and in frequency. The long-term effects of these patterns then create a hostile work environment.
My Definition
I like to think of sexual harassment as any behavior, either words or actions, related to your sexual identity that makes you feel uncomfortable in your workplace. Anything that gives you anxiety about being in the same room, or even the same building, as that person. It’s likely something that you regularly vent about to your coworkers, partner, or family. And there’s a good chance it makes you crave a glass of wine at the end of the day. I know I did.
Find Your Guideposts
If any of this information resonates with you, I strongly urge you to become curious about these offensive moments. Begin to pay attention to anything that makes you feel uneasy, annoyed, angry, or just cringey.
Who makes you feel that way? What, specifically, are they saying or doing? And when? Don’t ignore these feelings — they are important guideposts. Signs pointing to a realization that you may not have been willing to admit to yourself.
If you do begin to realize that you’ve been experiencing sexual harassment, be kind to yourself. You might be kicking yourself for not recognizing it sooner. I was sexually harassed by my male coworker for three months until someone suggested that I begin documenting his behavior. Even then, it took me nearly two and a half years to report it. Truthfully, I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t handle it. Women, especially women in STEM, have been conditioned to believe that sexual harassment is just part of the job. I felt weak for not being able to tolerate it like the other women in the office, even though they weren’t required to work on the same case team with him as I was. I finally reached a point where I couldn’t fool myself into believing the harassment wasn’t taking a significant toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health and I decided to choose myself over my workplace.
Take Action!
If you also find that your well-being is being compromised, I strongly urge you to take action. Even if you start with small steps, I want you to begin choosing temporary discomfort over long-term resentment. And I want you to start now. And always remember, by speaking up, you’re likely helping someone else who is suffering as well.
If you are experiencing, sexual harassment, retaliation, or any other form of workplace discrimination, feel free to reach out to me at hello@kendallsimon.com for support and guidance.
***Disclaimer: These are merely my recommendations based on my personal experience. I am not legally responsible for any decisions made based on the information provided.***