Becoming Proactive
Ok, so you think you may be experiencing sexual harassment in your workplace. It can be a lot to wrap your head around and taking action can seem daunting — trust me, I know because I’ve been there. Because of this, I recommend starting with these 3 proactive steps:
Document, Document, Document!
If you are experiencing sexual harassment, to any degree, the first and easiest step that you can take is to begin documenting early and often. I strongly urge employees to start a record of anything that seems even slightly “off.” A physical record of your experience can be extremely advantageous for any future discussions regarding sexual harassment that you’ve experienced. I cannot convey the importance of having this documentation enough. Even if the severity of the situation is currently unclear, your future self, or someone you know, could potentially greatly benefit from recording this information now.
In addition, research has shown that experiencing sexual harassment physically alters your neurological pathways, impairing your brain’s ability to recall the sequence of memories. Given this, documentation is especially advantageous to track details and dates as they happen in case you subconsciously block it from your memory later on — I know I did!
Next, let’s cover what this documenting process will look like…
Start a Log
Start a master log that will serve as a timeline. Record each and every incident, regardless of severity or frequency - I’m talking about inappropriate meetings, emails, texts, elevator rides, gestures, anything that feels ‘icky’. If you record them as they happen, the incidents will naturally fall into chronological order, helping you visualize the sequence of events over time. With each entry, you may also want to include a screenshot of any written record associated with that event - see Step 2 below for more on this.
The Devil is in the Details
For each event, record as much detail as possible:
The date and time
Where you were physically
Who was in the room with you
The exact words used
The exact gestures
How it made you feel
How you think it made your colleagues feel - or if they were complicit
Any other information that may be relevant, such as what clothes you were wearing, the context of the conversation.
Honestly, the more information you include, the better. It may sound excessive now, but being able to describe the scene, and clearly show patterned behavior, could be critical in the future.
Start a Quick Record-Keeping System
I also recommend downloading a notes app on your phone, or any other note-keeping method that you can easily use during, or immediately after, the incident. Personally, I used Google Keep on my phone. I kept a note titled “Annoying Work Sh*t” to quickly record inappropriate comments or actions. I then pulled up Google Keep on my laptop, and simply copy and pasted the event into my master log later.
2. One Party Consent Recordings
A lot of inappropriate behavior often occurs over a phone call or in-person meetings - it’s a safe space for both the perpetrator and upper-level management since there isn’t a paper trail. First and foremost, check to see if you live in a “one party consent state” for audio recordings - I did and I didn’t even know it! These states have one party consent laws, so the consent of one participant involved in the conversation is enough to validate the recording. This means that you can legally record all phone calls (or even in-person meetings) to use as evidence later. If you don’t live in a one party consent state, I recommend taking notes of the exact words or phrases used during calls/meetings - do this immediately after because you will be fight/flight during the meeting and your brain is designed to block the interaction out so you will forget everything soon after, trust me! If a coworker is around that you feel comfortable with, you can also pull them in as a witness. And depending on your situation, consider following up the phone call with an email so as to put the context of the conversation in writing. For example:
Hi Dave,
I just wanted to follow up on my performance review from this afternoon. When inquiring about my raise, you said that we could discuss it at your lake house this weekend. I took that to mean that the amount of my pay increase is dependent on my attendance. Is my understanding correct?
Regards, Cheryl
3. Save Everything
Along with your master log, recordings, and quick noting taking system, be sure to screenshot and save all relevant information, including emails, text messages, online messaging chats (Microsoft Teams chat, Skype chat, Google chat), phone call logs, etc. Again, however seemingly insignificant the details may seem in the moment, having a written record of each and every incident may become crucial in the months, or even years, from now.
Also, be sure to save everything to your personal laptop, or better yet, cloud-based storage. I like to email myself a copy of my master log every so often to have a backup.
Do not save them on your work computer or your work phone.
3. Choose Yourself
Making the choice to put yourself first might be the hardest step of all. Remember that your well-being comes before the well-being of your workplace. If the sexual harassment you’re experiencing is harming your well-being, then you must take action to end it. In Brene Brown’s words — “choose discomfort over resentment.”
Always choose yourself.
4. It Is Never Too Late
It may take months, years, possibly even decades to start taking these steps. And that is alright - it’s not an easy truth to come to terms with. However, seeing the physical evidence that you’ve documented will help you recognize, acknowledge, process, and accept the sexual harassment that you’ve been experiencing. Having this evidence will also empower you to take action to end the harassment. For not only yourself, but other women in the future.
If you are experiencing, sexual harassment, retaliation, or any other form of workplace discrimination, feel free to reach out to me at hello@kendallsimon.com for support and guidance.
***Disclaimer: These are merely my recommendations based on my personal experience. I am not legally responsible for any decisions made based on the information provided.***