I decided to start this blog after experiencing sexual harassment by my coworker and then retaliation by my supervisor after reporting it (really!). I learned a great deal during this process so I’ve written this this pocket guide to empower and inform other women who may also find themselves in a similar situation. Because this sh*t needs to end.

Sexual harassment isn’t obvious in the modern day workplace. In fact, it’s extremely subtle. Yet, it’s still there. And still toxic. The first step is recognizing it. And I want to help you do that.

Do you have the sneaking suspicion that you might be experiencing sexual harassment in your workplace? Are you a little hesitant to speak up right now? No worries - here are some proactive baby steps you can start now without making any huge waves (just yet).

I found that my support system was my greatest source of strength, as well as greatest defense against feelings of insecurity, as I navigated my sexual harassment and retaliation experience. Here are some key take-a-ways to help you form a support system as a reminder that you are never alone.

Ending harassment can be tricky. Because of this, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. There are, however, several routes of action that can be taken. Only you will know where to begin. And if you’re feeling uncertain — no worries — the only wrong choice is to not act.

Although it may seem daunting at first, I highly recommend reporting sexual harassment to your employer as soon as possible. By doing this, you are transferring the burden of responsibility from yourself onto your employer. This is also an important step to take if the issue escalates in the future.

As always, there is strength in numbers. Uniting with your coworkers to raise your employer’s awareness of sexual harassment in your workplace can be an extremely effective. I highly recommend this route if you are lucky enough to be surrounded by other strong and supportive voices.

Retaliation by a supervisor after reporting sexual harassment. Sounds awful, right? But trust me, it happens — especially in workplaces where a supervisor has been condoning the harassment for a while. Just like sexual harassment though, retaliation should be reported as soon as you recognize it.

Sexual harassment and retaliation can be reported to your employer by filing an internal complaint. Some employers may take these complaints seriously…some may not. Here are a few points that I wish I had known before I had filed my internal complaint.

Sometimes (actually, frequently) employers don’t take their employees’ concerns seriously. The Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) Commission exists for this very reason — to hold employers legally accountable for discrimination in their workplaces. If you find yourself like me, exhausted from the endless internal complaints and calls/emails convincing your employer to address your concerns, it might be time to reach out to the EEO.

Legal representation — yikes! Don’t worry, if you are even remotely considering an attorney, then you need one. And having one will give you SO MUCH peace of mind. Knowing HOW to hire an attorney, however, isn’t common knowledge. Or at least it wasn’t for me.

Flow chart graphics for both the Federal EEO Complaint Process and the Non-federal EEO Complaint Process.

The first stage of the EEO Complaint Process is the Informal Stage. During this stage, you will speak with an EEO Counselor about your concerns. The EEO Counselor can then provide guidance on a path forward, which may include Alternative Dispute Resolution.

Your EEO Counselor may attempt to facilitate a resolution with your employer through a process called mediation. The goal of mediation is for your employer to provide a remedy that will resolve the dispute. While it may not be successful in every scenario, it can be an extremely effective process for employees that wish to remain working for their employer.

From the very beginning, your EEO Counselor will ask you for a remedy that will “make you whole.” I found this concept humorous. Some remedies, such as lost wages, are straightforward. But how do you begin to put a dollar amount on years of sleepless nights? It’s complicated, I know. Here are my recommendations to shed a little light onto this murky topic.

The second stage of the EEO Complaint process is the Formal Stage. This stage consists of a thorough investigation into your claims/charges. While the investigation is very time (and energy!)-consuming, the level of effort you invest into your responses and rebuttals during this stage is critical to the overall strength and integrity of your case.

The final stage of the EEO Complaint process is the Decision Stage. Because your EEO case can move in several different directions, it is important to have frequent communication with your attorney regarding the best course of action during the Decision Stage.

Sometimes resignation becomes necessary for your well-being. Trust me, I’ve been there. And while it may feel defeating in the moment, prioritizing yourself over your employer is always the right choice to make. Just be sure to notify your EEO Counselor beforehand!